Every time, it was someone different. But the ending was always the same. This isn't about the people you chose. It's about the pattern underneath the choosing.
12 questions · 4–6 minutes · Based on attachment theory research · Not a clinical diagnostic tool
Question 1 of 12
01 / 12
When I get close to someone, I start worrying about them leaving.
AYes — closeness triggers fear of loss.
BCloseness makes me want more distance.
CCloseness feels natural and safe.
DCloseness makes me feel both pulled toward and away at once.
02 / 12
When someone I care about doesn't respond quickly, I feel anxious or assume something is wrong.
AYes — silence from people I care about unsettles me.
BI barely notice or don't find it concerning.
CI might wonder, but I don't assume the worst.
DI want to reach out and also want to pull back at the same time.
03 / 12
In relationships, I tend to need more reassurance than my partner seems to want to give.
AYes — I often need more than I get.
BI rarely need reassurance and sometimes feel pressured to give it.
CWe generally find a balance that works.
DI want reassurance but feel embarrassed asking for it.
04 / 12
Getting close to people makes me uncomfortable. I value my independence highly.
ANo — I want closeness, sometimes intensely.
BYes — deep closeness makes me want to pull back.
CI like closeness in balance with independence.
DI both want it and fear it at the same time.
05 / 12
I find it difficult to depend on people, even when I want to.
ANo — I depend on people but fear they'll leave.
BYes — I prefer to manage on my own.
CI can depend on people when I need to.
DI want to depend on people but it feels unsafe to do so.
06 / 12
When a relationship ends, I tend to feel relieved rather than devastated.
ANo — endings hit me very hard and for a long time.
BYes — there is often relief mixed in.
CI feel sad, but I recover without being overwhelmed.
DI feel both devastated and relieved at the same time.
07 / 12
I often feel like I love more, care more, or invest more than the other person.
AYes — this pattern shows up repeatedly.
BSometimes I feel the opposite — like I invest less.
CIt tends to feel relatively balanced.
DI care deeply but keep part of myself protected.
08 / 12
I push people away when they get too close, even when I don't want to.
ANo — I tend to hold on rather than push away.
BYes — closeness triggers a pull toward distance.
CI don't have this pattern.
DYes — and I resent myself for it afterward.
09 / 12
I've been told I'm too intense, too needy, or too much in relationships.
AYes — this comes up.
BMore likely to be told I'm too distant or unavailable.
CNeither — my style tends to work for most people.
DI've been told both, depending on the relationship.
10 / 12
I feel safest in relationships when there is clear, consistent distance.
ANo — closeness and contact make me feel safer.
BYes — predictable distance is actually more comfortable.
CI feel safest when there's a balance of both.
DI'm not sure I feel fully safe either way.
11 / 12
I find myself attracted to people who are emotionally unavailable or hard to reach.
AYes — there's often an unavailable quality to who I choose.
BI tend to attract people who want more than I can give.
CI'm drawn to people who are available and consistent.
DI'm attracted to both — and it confuses me.
12 / 12
When I think about relationships, my first feeling is:
ALonging — I want deep connection but fear it ending.
BCaution — closeness is complicated and I'd rather manage alone.
COpenness — connection is something I generally feel okay about.